Every parent of every kid who has been found guilty of bullying someone else should be forced to attend a bullying seminar.
The sad probability is those attending School District 73’s 7 p.m. gathering will likely be parents whose children have been bullied and parents of kids intent on doing everything in their power to ensure their little ones can escape the despicable scourge while in school.
If parents of bullies known to bully were forced to walk in and listen to Bill Belsey’s webinar (and to the post-webinar discussion by local school officials, parents and mounties), we might have some hope they would actually find themselves compelled to do something about the terror their children are creating for others.
Unfortunately, the prevalent attitude of parents who have been told their child is a bully is one of shock and denial, even when handed enough evidence to land their kid a starring role as Biff Tannen in the Back To The Future trilogy.
On one level, it’s understandable; how can someone for whom you have unconditional love be guilty of doing such horrible things? Impossible, thinks the parent, despite the fact their pride and joy is despised and feared by many in the hallways and on the schoolyard.
I have been on both sides of the bullying spectrum and it is maddening, frustrating and heartbreaking.
One child was being bullied in the primary grades. A talk with the bully and his parents and my child’s teacher and principal largely rectified the problem.
The problem, after having experienced the emotional toll bullying takes on your child and yourself, is determining later, as they grow up, what is horse play and what is bullying.
For a parent who has experienced the pain and sheer rage at seeing their child suffer at the hands of a bully, it becomes a constant worry: Your son talks about a classmate taking his gloves while playing outside; your daughter mentions casually the rip in her backpack was a result of a game she was playing; your son dismisses the mark on his neck as the result of a wayward dodge-ball toss.
But, you are always vigilant, always asking more questions, always desperate to know if your children are trying to protect you by minimizing bullying and passing it off as old-fashioned roughhousing.
I have also had a child accused of being a bully. Because I have been on the side of the accuser, I made damn sure to correct the problem if there was one and to ascertain whether one of my kids was, indeed, bullying another.
This is where one learns to not toss out the bullying accusation lightly as it can ruin friendships and tear apart reputations.
Turns out nobody – not classmates, not teachers, not the principal, not parents of friends – could substantiate the claims of bullying levelled against my kid and a friend.
When I did speak at length to the parent of the child my child was allegedly bullying, there were no concrete examples of bullying given.
In the end, it was clear no bullying had taken place.
Nevertheless, the mere accusation created as much stress as did the experience with an actual bully tormenting my other child a few years earlier.
Bullying is a serious, serious issue – much more important than most parents will ever realize. As such, false accusations of bullying are tantamount to falsely convicting an innocent person in a court of law.
This is where tomorrow’s forum comes in.
Belsey runs what is known as the most-visited anti-bullying website in the world. It can be found at bullying.org and it offers a wealth of information for parents, for victims and for bullies.
As Belsey writes, bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Bullies are cowards who pick victims they know they can dominate.
Parents of bullies should take note of this statistic from Belsey: By age 24, 60 per cent of people who were childhood bullies have at least one criminal conviction. People who continue to bully have many other problems as adults, including alcoholism, antisocial personality disorders and need for mental-health services.
Put simply, we live in a society that houses kids who will break your heart with their sweetness and children whose duplicitous savagery triggers an anger you never knew existed within your soul.
Both are largely products of their parents.
Christopher Foulds is editor of Kamloops This Week, editor@kamloopsthisweek.com, chrisfoulds.blogspot.com.